I, Sharmi, Diamond- Ep4
Sharmi
Loneliness began to set in as I grew accustomed to the car and AC. I didn't understand why I would open the window and just stare blankly. My father was drifting further and further away from me. I no longer saw him coming home early at night to drive me around on his TVS 50. My mother was also busy. Their nightly kisses, smelling of the day and heavy with sleep, were the only constant. Being left with the nanny and the driver felt cruel.
Every day I saw my father's picture in the newspaper, among the TV listings. It was a picture of him with a tightly knotted tie and his hands folded in prayer. Seeing him in that photo always made me laugh. At that age, I felt a small pride in telling my school friends that the man in those advertisements was my father. It had been a long time since I'd had my mother's gongura chutney and chicken curry. She didn't cook anymore. Every morning, she went to the gym. She looked younger than before.
Driver Sundaram always had this beedi (Indian cigarette) smell about him.
“Sundaram, I’ll give you money, why don’t you smoke good cigarettes? You smell terrible.” He would give a disgusting laugh. He was about forty years old. He would pinch my cheeks hard, then kiss me, saying, “Look at how my eyes talk!”
The smell made my stomach churn even more.
“Hey… you dog… don’t do things like that to a ten-year-old girl,” the nanny would scold. Sometimes, he would casually place his hand on my chest and press, which I actually liked. At times, it would hurt.
The day I came of age (reached puberty), the house was bustling with activity. A large crowd had gathered around my father. My mother had put on makeup and was trying to look even younger. She kept repeating, “It’s a bit early for ten. I was fifteen when it happened to me.”
“You can’t hide your age anymore,” he said with a booming laugh. He then stood a little too close, put his arm around both of us and posed for a photo, adding, “Good development for ten years old.” My mother gave him a slight glare and shifted uncomfortably.
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